he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
