when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
