Welp...herpes.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Acid is not a monday night drug
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
