Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize