i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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