I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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