mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
