Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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