So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
