Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Less talking, more tequila
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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