i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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