I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
