I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
