i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
