my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
3 2 1 whiskey
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
