someone threw a dead crab at me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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