Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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