I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize