shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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