Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
