he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
