nut hugger
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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