Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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