Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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