Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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