I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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