When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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