I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
