Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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