Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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