I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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