jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
