for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
