I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
