I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
