Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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