So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
