I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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