he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
