my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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