Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
