Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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