When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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