My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
