If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
