Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
