My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
