I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
