My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
