atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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