Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize