I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
