I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
try to milk me bitch
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