Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
