Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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