When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
