1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
