I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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