I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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