I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
