my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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