i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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