i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize