apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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