Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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