Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
