This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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