tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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