omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize