I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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