What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize