An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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