I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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