Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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