fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
