its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
