Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
