Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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