Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
