Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
