You made me cry and you don't even care
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
