Yo dont text me then not text me
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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