I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
