On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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