Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
