I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
