I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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