we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
