HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
