Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
