fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize