His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
