Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
