Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
