She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
