go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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