New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
