I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
