Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
