Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
