i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
