After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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